Turning a new Leaf

I’ll admit I’ve been ungrateful lately and as such have been a sad bear. A couple of months ago my beautiful friend group of amazing people shrank from double digits down to a handful. It was hard for this overly emotional interpersonal gal who tends to load people into my suitcase heart and carry them around all day everyday. And so as the summer months came I retreated into a terrible party of one self-pity spiral that had me concentrating on how many people have left and gone on for new adventures the world over.

I hate goodbyes. Anyone who is close to me knows its true (then again does anyone really take pleasure in saying goodbye or see you later to people you care about?). So I was in a state of mourning that was turning my adventurous world of Bamako living into a bland mixture of sadness, and self-doubt.

But yesterday was my birthday. And I was feeling sad at being so far away from my friends and family back home and unsure of where I stood in new and old friendships here in Mali. I was nervous to see how the day would play out if somehow it would pass without notice. Little did I know that it was the monster of shame in my head that was convincing me of such nonsense. Not only did I have people from around the world call, text, message, email and generally reach out I also got to spend some good time with new and old friends in Bamako. As I looked around I couldn’t help but feel a) guilty for being such an ungrateful friend ninny the last couple of weeks and b) incredibly privileged to have such good people around me.

So thanks to everyone who helped to pull me out of my funk. To help me re-focus on the beautiful souls that are around me and end the cycle of self pity. Thanks for being you.

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