Full Moons, Ocean Heart, Swelling Seas of Feelings

Some people believe that humans are affected by the astrological movements of planets, moons, and suns. Some people believe it is all phooey. Some people take it light-heartedly as if it’s good information to have but does cannot be the base of decision making. No matter where you fall on the spectrum, I can say that for this heart-full wanderer I feel the effects. It is a full moon tonight and I have turned astronomically (get it! 😉 ba ha ha ha) inward.

I grew up around the ocean and a full moon always meant stronger tides and bigger storms. There was always a physical reality of this changing rock floating in the sky. Maybe that has cultivated a belief that there is in fact a strong affect that the moon can have on the earth, the people, and the people’s interactions.

And as I sit at home writing this, I am simultaneously filled with a sense of gratitude and introspective loneliness. I am grateful for the opportunity to be writing from Mali, for the friends and co-workers I have that make my life so rich here, and for the freedom to do what I please when I please. I am introspective trying to find the source of my feelings of disconnectedness from the people and environment together.

Here in Mali the physical manifestations of the moon phases is discreet; there is no correlation between the full moon and big windy storms and seas. I still remain unchanged in how the full moon effects my heart, my mind, and my perceptions. I can’t help but look inwards to evaluate my choices, my relationships, and my actions. The unfortunate part is that when I do look inwards I get a little sad, feeling as though my efforts, however gallant, don’t measure up. In my most rational and sane moments I know that this standard I feel like I am not measuring up to does not matter. Who really cares if someone judges my intents and finds me short? In my weak moments however, in my moments of vulnerability I can say that of course the opinions still matter to me, the insecurities creep up, and the existential crisis of my choices is my real life.

So I try to be nice to myself during the full moon. I try to allow myself to go home if I don’t feel comfortable in my social setting. I try to carve out more time for creativity and emotional processing. I try to be more self-aware as to what my body is telling me, taking the physical cues to help me deal with the stress and emotions that have spewed up.

So for all my other moon lovers and space cadets – take credence! You are not alone! Be nice to yourself! This too shall pass! And for those of you who don’t feel the moon and all its phases, take some time. Be still with yourself, check in, and hopefully your introspection will bring you more peace.

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